i am so tired. i am tired of stoning. tired of seeing him online and not being able to talk to him. i have decided. i need new distraction. taking the rebound way.. should i? hmmm..
as long as i have enough time to get over the habit of having him calling me and talking to me now and then. calling just to let me now i am loved and missed. man.. why make that a habit for me and then all of sudden. gone. he can totally not be bothered bout me and life goes on. this is the amazing thing guys can do and woman can't do. why is that so. i dun wanna fucking give a damn but i just do. FUCK! can't i be stronger and not tear? can i stop stonning? god.. this is so difficult. let me see the path u have laid for me. i am so tired. i need a break. i didn't ask for this to happen yet it all happened. i must be the only one feeling like that. he dun fucking care anymore. so stop!
i am tired of wiping tears from my eyes. will someone wipe for me instead? can i get some warm cuddly hug from someone soon.. can i can i?
it's almost 430am and i am still tearing and stonning. throughtout my whole saturday.. i been out.. watching movie having good food.. yet.. half the time i know i was stonning. at points forcing myself to smile when i feel all choked up with tears when i see things or when my phone just has not attention from him. i really got to stop these by sunday night. this is so bad. i can only cry in a corner. i dun want anyone to help me. cos i will seem like a pest to ppl. i will do it myself! i can cos i will!
i shall stop ranting now. wipe those tears and go to bed.
good night everyone. goodnight chris. i really do miss you. but i will stop soon. it will stop.
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