disheartened

i am down with bad flu. cough's starting. and yes.. i am feeling cold all the time. fever should be next if nothing goes wrong. heh. i guess it must be the vunerable time when i am all stressed up with work and feeling not well at all. i just needed to talk to someone.

it never helps. when i am feeling all down and alone and sad. i am always left alone. i hate to be listening to other people's problems at the time when i am having tons of my own. i hate being a listener. will anyone listen to me even once? can you or you or even you stop interrupting to whatever i say. sheesh.. school is driving me nuts.

so nuts that i did something..

something that i did and i must confess.

i mustered so much courage to say what my heart told me to do. i took a deep breath and did it. the next thing i know, my stomach turned. my heart skipped a beat. or no. nearly stopped. when i saw the reply, i was that fucked up. yes. you manage to do that. but trust me. this will be the last time that i am going to do it. fuck it. courage didn't come easy. you will never know how that 5 words had hurt me once again. you'll never know the dissapointment when i saw that msg. the tear that fell. yes. the tear. just one drop. cos of dissapointment and dishearterned. it's all over now. i see it so clearly once again. the wound has been ripped open. pour salt my friends. poyr and rub. if not i will never wake up. i suck at mind games. i always lose. when will i ever win? i don't wanna play anymore. i dun want to. so tired am i. tired i am. a hug is all i want and ask. is it that diff? was i even wrong to even entertain that thought and mustered all my courage to do so? will i stop playing mind games with myself?

all the stress and projects piling on me ain't helping at all. you know how much i wanna scream and cry and talk? you'll not know. cos u dun fucking care anymore.

i am feeling so sick.
feeling feverish yet wearing a jacket.
nose all blocked. lips all cracking.
yet i only think of you.
what the fuck is wrong with me.

leave me alone. it must be PMS.