an emotional night

ok. the first paper is over. and apparently i am still not freaking out even if i knew i didn't really complete my paper. how possible. elaine not freaking out? something is so wrong. haha. but wrong. i am really so calm. i guess i have gone numb and has looked beyond everything. doesn't that make me sound so SMART? ONE DOWN FOUR TO GO!!

haha..anyhoo.. i am SO HAPPY exams have started and momentum is SUPPOSEDLY to come in. apparently, it has not cos i met up with claud and our princess biatch -sue! haha.. yes.. and we had fun. fun of being comfortable bitching and using F words so often that i think it's COOL. haha.. yea. i was trying real hard to act like i was studying when both of them so engrossed in gossiping. but temptation of gossips never fail to win me over to put down the little book of mine. and of cos i joined in. what else. haha.. other than that. went over to claud's plce and gotten my little present - DORAEMON.

here is is.. my doraemon from claud. *muackz*

and yes yes.. it's once a year clearance of claud's wardrobe and i got new clothes. heh.. love ya babe! thanks thanks for making my boring day so much interesting just hanging out with u guys. thou u guys are ENJOYING yrselves at cafe iguana while i am typing this with my plastered fingers. SOBZ SOBZ.

another thing that kinda made me stoned for quite a while up till the journey home it made me realise something. i thought i have put down. apparently i have not. i am affected by the something i heard. i am. sadly but to slap myself in the face i am affected. i hate the feeling. why am i still feeling this way. isn't it suppose to be gone? but why do i feel tinge of sour feeling when i heard. tears were like rolling ard my eyes thru the trip home. so many things going thru my head. so many scences and flashbacks. oh man.. i hate times like this. when i know i shouldn't be feeling that way anymore. hurt has been enhanced and wound has been flashed with salt rubbing on it.

maybe if there was really this someone who can really be real nice and attentive to my emotional needs at time who can cure me from having times like these. where can i get? i thought i found. apparently it didn't work. there's no effort. i am so tired. i don't want to be the one to fall in too deep. i don't want to at all. cos it will end up to be hurting myself.

i thought it's over but it's here to bug my head for a while now.

i want so much to tear but i see no point. who will wipe those tears that fall again? it'll be the hands that he once held so tight and eventually let go.

sigh. i am feeling so emotional tonight. it must be PMS.. yes it is. PMS. damn.