I am fucking depressed. officially very depressed.
count the number of times i even used fucking in my blog before.
this shows how fucking depressed and affected i am
the total helplessness and lost on to what else could and should be done anymore have driven me to this point of no return. the realisation of the only motivation that keeps me working is the pay and the pay that sustains my whatever lifestyle. i seriously hate being me at the moment. being trapped and helpless with no other options but to just suck it up and live my screwed up life in the most enlightened way i could. pretending that i am happy with this change is not even near possible. i feel so caught up with the raging emotions, the anger, the lost, the fear.. i have no space to say a quiet prayer cos all i really wanna do now is find a shoulder that i can lean on and cry my heart out.
but sadly at every moment like these kinda moments, i swallow back those tears cos the shoulder seems to be hiding still. God, save my soul. How long more am i to take this?
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