take me away and fly

My wanderlust is acting up once again.

Even more so because of the situation in office, I can't even breathe anymore. The only time I breathe these days are when I hit the gym with non stop workout. The only moments when I could leave my mind blank from thinking of anything and everything. From my health - to work - to family - to friends and not to even mention the blank white list of any budding love relationship - and even more so to God and my spiritual being. I am spiritually dry. The dryspells have came and I cannot run away and ignore them anymore. I face these dryness so much more now with so much other things collapsing in front of me. I want no more but to run, swim, cycle, box all these negativities and excess energy and anger away. Only when I sweat, I feel alive and the panting of my every breathe and how much I gasped for air each time I exercise allows me to realise I am still a human afterall; who still, nonetheless depends on God who provides this breathe that has been keeping me alive. I thank God thou for me for not crossing that line to think why is He still giving me this one breathe to live when all around me seems dead. I no longer yearn to do anything else. Perhaps just going to the gym cos that is the only place I can be alone and be in silence to be me and who I am. No more pretence no more plannings.

I yearn to pack my backpack and leave.
I stare at my lonely planet book - Europe - every single day and the heart just yearns to go. But yet, the daily issues are holding me back. The responsibilities of being an adult weighs me down and weighs very much, my nature down. To see and learn the culture of the many countries in Europe itself. In 1 year. How exciting will that be. Travel and work at the same time. Perfect and ideal kinda way I want my life to be at this moment. But yet, I look into my passbook savings account and I could only burst my own bubble and wake up to this cruel reality. When will this dream ever be realised?

I am reaching a stage of desperateness to see a change in my life already.
God, we need to talk more. Like, seriously lots more.