hit me baby one more time. oooo...

i did it once again. i screwed every chance up. of even being friends with him. heh. guess it's god's will. i surrender my will to god for he gave us free will. do what he wants of me. guess making him hate me is the best way. cos for that he screamed. hurted me like never before and left without a word. bye was the last word we ever said to each other ever. i deleted him from my msn. as i click away. my tears fell. i told myself. that's the last tear i will drop for that guy. cos i guess it's god's plan. for me to move on and live life as he how he wants me to. happy and have peace at heart. this time will be so much easier. for that i am sure. although my heart has a hole right now with no one to replace that hole. i will allow it to recover. as my days go by.. busy with everything else but him. cos i know. god will lead the way for i had finally surrender it all.

that night was a sad night. found no solace anywhere but in my tears. after tears fell. i felt relief. finally it's over. no one to share this. for i see no point. glad to have someone that night to talk to even if it was just mere crapping and laming around and playing around with words. it distracted me and made me stop tearing. haha. how silly. but i am just glad that someone was there. thou he will never know how important he was to me that night when i seek for comfort. he offered. with sincerity? i don't know. and i don't need to know. for all i needed was just a listening ear. a message to someone might not mean anything. but when you are despondent and down. it lifts you up again. thanks for the message that someone gave. thanks for caring thou it was not like him to care so much. sometimes things in life are so strange. you make a big round and in return you end up hanging around that one same thing. wierd ain't it. guess when there's no commitments between two persons. it's always the best. cos you never expect the other person to do anything and when that something just comes. it's only a word - SURPRISE. this kinda feeling gives you comfort. something that many couples forget once commitments come in. one starts to expect the other to act or behave like how one would like their other partner to be like. their role partner in life. how tiring ain't it. so glad am i that i manage to give up any form of expectations from anyone. and when i get surprises - i appreciate. for these did not come with obligations. how much effort would one put in to someone whom you only treat as a friend? sometimes this statement stretches too far. sometimes it makes me wonder. is there any way things will change between us when we have expectations from one another? hence i decided not to think too far into it. and accept the way things are now. let god lead us on our journey *winkz*

feel so emotional for the past few nights. but didn't really blogged. no idea why. busy? maybe. with what? i have no idea. maybe i will blog again tomorrow when i go for my second field trip!! which is SO SO MUCH FUN!!! hehe.. await to hear my exciting story!! and of cos pics from the field trip!!

watch out for the upcoming post then..