Consumer Behaviour 4th Edition - Hoyer/MacInnis

"Disposition .... action we take toward possessions... Although we tend to think of possessions as physical things, they can be defined much more broadly as anything that reflects an extension of self ... for example to end a relationship... Consumers often have logical and reasonable motives behind their disposition actions.

We most often think of disposition in terms of physical detachment, the process by which the item is physically transferred to another person or location. However, emotional detachment is a more detailed, lengthy and sometimes painful process. Often consumers remain emotionally attached to possessions long after they have become physically detached... The disposition process can be particularly important during periods of transition, such as puberty, graduation and marriage. In this case, consumers dispose of possessions that are symbols of old roles.
Two types of disposition ... disposition to break free, in which the goal is to free oneself from the former relationship, and disposition to hold on, in which the intent is to cling to possessions with the hope that the relationship can be repaired. The most common pattern is breaking free..." - Chapter 12: Post-Decision Processes

Hmm. as i was studying for my consumer behaviour which took place this morning. a disaster paper. urgh. moving on from that as i was saying... this chapter and this section hit me. suddenly what i am studying seems so relevant. thinking back. my actions matched the theory at times. certain behaviours that i cannot explain.

i been trying to ask myself why. and i cannot find any reason but to say that it's a transition. that probably only i can understand. who can i talk to? who can i share with? who will really ever understand me? to me. who will bother? it's just another phase. so much "i can't be bothered" attitude that i am so tired of everything that i just want school to end this minute as i type. i am tired of socials. i am tired of pretending. blame it on pms. blame it on never ending projects and final exams. but no. i think the blame is me. it's such an internal thing that i must fight it off. each time i close my eyes to pray. God do you hear me? Searching for you is no easy task and i am starting to feel the strain. with whatever little days left, i sincerely wish this internal thing will go off. for me to truly enjoy school once again. not to reach the point of dreading school and dragging my feet to school. half the time thinking about running away and go home. and yet i don't do them. why is it such a chore now to talk to people. even to people whom i am suppose to be able to talk to. why are awkward silences popping up so often. God is this your way of making me adapt to my new life after school? if it is, i pray for strength and courage to accept all the changes you put in my life.