It was a phone call i wished i did not pick up.
sometimes i wonder what has God really planned out for me. A route that is bumpy with so many downs that makes me appreciate my every single up i have. At least at the end of the day down this bumpy route, i know i have many angels along the way to depend on. and i really thank God for everyone in my life. yes that's you. =)
it really feels nice to know i have people around me to give me the support i need. to give me the shoulder to lean on when i really cannot bear anymore. but at the end of the day, i am still alone in that room waiting for that result which no one has any idea how it will be but only God. it's this uncertainty that always drives me really nuts. The feeling hurts. but how many can understand. the fear i have i can only lift them all up to the lord.
i know i have everyone by my side. to lend that shoulder i need, to lend the ear i need. but is there that someone whom i can have by my side when i am thrown with news that i do not know how to handle. i wish that there is someone special by my side at times like that. BUT i only needed 5 seconds and i snapped out of that idea. i do not want that someone to even be worried in the first place. so why am i thinking of having that someone by my side. i guess it's all just human vunerability at work. elaine is open to vunerability right now. =(
closing my eyes. i learn to appreciate everything my family is doing for me. my friends who ask how i am and giving me hugs when i need. i guess even if i am to die the next minute i close my eyes. i guess i am satisfied to have my life lived this way. if i ever miss the chance to tell my loved ones esp my parents and my brother. i really do love you guys a lot. and my dearest friends. i love all of you. you guys all made a difference in my life. totally. there is nothing more i shall seek for but the kingdom of God.
it's peaceful after a whole day of cold palms and wandering thoughts. it's quiet just me in my room. stopping all research not on my school work but on what is going on in me. it's getting really late at night. and it's now that i seek most of His love. His hug and His word. Will he hear my prayer tonight? Will he carry me as he did all the time?
Dear Lord,
everything came as a surprise. the many things that happened. the call that i never thought i will get. You brought them all to me. for me to take them and to go through them.
Lord i have so many questions that i yearn for answers. Yet you shown me many times that i should not search further for you are here with me. All the time. Lord, i might be blinded with fear and lacking that courage to face it. I need you the most right now Lord. To put me at peace, to grant me the peace that everything will be fine as long as i hold on to you.
I am afraid. i am scared. i am just any normal person Lord. The fears are taking over and i hate myself for that lord. i just want to learn to lift everything to you. not to worry anymore. Lord, what am i to do now? i feel that i have to face up to this new challenge once again.
but this time round lord, i thank you so much for putting so many angels in my life. Lord bless these wonderful friends that i have. Bless them with the comfort that you are always with us.
will i ever be forsaken lord?
do not forsake me for i start to feel weary along this journey towards your kingdom.
"When we worry, we choose to focus on our problems rather than God's promises. and since HE brought us to it, HE will bring us through it. "
Lord you showed me your word tonight. that reflected greatly on what i am feeling.
that i chose to focus on my problems rather on your promises Lord.
Teach me step by step to be closer to you. Teach me to be strong for my family and friends.
Lastly, teach me to be the child that i once used to be.
Amen.
sometimes i wonder what has God really planned out for me. A route that is bumpy with so many downs that makes me appreciate my every single up i have. At least at the end of the day down this bumpy route, i know i have many angels along the way to depend on. and i really thank God for everyone in my life. yes that's you. =)
it really feels nice to know i have people around me to give me the support i need. to give me the shoulder to lean on when i really cannot bear anymore. but at the end of the day, i am still alone in that room waiting for that result which no one has any idea how it will be but only God. it's this uncertainty that always drives me really nuts. The feeling hurts. but how many can understand. the fear i have i can only lift them all up to the lord.
i know i have everyone by my side. to lend that shoulder i need, to lend the ear i need. but is there that someone whom i can have by my side when i am thrown with news that i do not know how to handle. i wish that there is someone special by my side at times like that. BUT i only needed 5 seconds and i snapped out of that idea. i do not want that someone to even be worried in the first place. so why am i thinking of having that someone by my side. i guess it's all just human vunerability at work. elaine is open to vunerability right now. =(
closing my eyes. i learn to appreciate everything my family is doing for me. my friends who ask how i am and giving me hugs when i need. i guess even if i am to die the next minute i close my eyes. i guess i am satisfied to have my life lived this way. if i ever miss the chance to tell my loved ones esp my parents and my brother. i really do love you guys a lot. and my dearest friends. i love all of you. you guys all made a difference in my life. totally. there is nothing more i shall seek for but the kingdom of God.
it's peaceful after a whole day of cold palms and wandering thoughts. it's quiet just me in my room. stopping all research not on my school work but on what is going on in me. it's getting really late at night. and it's now that i seek most of His love. His hug and His word. Will he hear my prayer tonight? Will he carry me as he did all the time?
Dear Lord,
everything came as a surprise. the many things that happened. the call that i never thought i will get. You brought them all to me. for me to take them and to go through them.
Lord i have so many questions that i yearn for answers. Yet you shown me many times that i should not search further for you are here with me. All the time. Lord, i might be blinded with fear and lacking that courage to face it. I need you the most right now Lord. To put me at peace, to grant me the peace that everything will be fine as long as i hold on to you.
I am afraid. i am scared. i am just any normal person Lord. The fears are taking over and i hate myself for that lord. i just want to learn to lift everything to you. not to worry anymore. Lord, what am i to do now? i feel that i have to face up to this new challenge once again.
but this time round lord, i thank you so much for putting so many angels in my life. Lord bless these wonderful friends that i have. Bless them with the comfort that you are always with us.
will i ever be forsaken lord?
do not forsake me for i start to feel weary along this journey towards your kingdom.
"When we worry, we choose to focus on our problems rather than God's promises. and since HE brought us to it, HE will bring us through it. "
Lord you showed me your word tonight. that reflected greatly on what i am feeling.
that i chose to focus on my problems rather on your promises Lord.
Teach me step by step to be closer to you. Teach me to be strong for my family and friends.
Lastly, teach me to be the child that i once used to be.
Amen.
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