what a month

wow 2011 came and now January has just slipped by so quickly.
have not really absorbed being in the new year and next thing I know is it's Chinese New Year next week already! how fast!

January has been a crazy month. Took my restest, got the results and i bloody flunk it once again. With such a setback in the beginning of the year is not exactly the best way to start 2011. Would this even imply to me that this year will be most likely be a year of failure for things that I intend to do or get? Because the next thing I knew; was that I might have to postpone the long dreamed about holiday to Spain and Rome in August. Due to long term keeping it down and not bothering about my private space, I am starting to lose it. The room has been in a MESS and the word mess could not exactly bring about the real sight. Trust me, I hate my room. I wish sometimes to wake up knowing that I am finally in a room I can call my own. My room and my privacy needs space and a major overhaul that would set me back financially for my trip. On top of that I might have to cater in the cost of paying for the BLOODY course if I am to flunk yet again (another restest on 5th March - and i so cannot FAIL, else find me a loanshark or something.) Why is it that 2011 started with me feeling all hopeful and high spirited and the next thing i know by the end of the 1st month, I am feeling way low and rock bottom. With frustrations and anger at the same time towards things and situations that I have no control over, I am feeling the shits at the moment. I could only wish that Chinese New Year could help bring some new luck and chase those moody clouds away.

for now, i really just want to to hibernate and get away from the world.
the head is spinning. this is the kind of time i wished i had you by my side.