could i have an answer

thoughts are going thru my head. it came as a surprise.
Finally asked. Finally voiced their concerns. Noticed and now they are speaking.

feeling rather heavy hearted after hearing what they have to say. it's like making me make a choice. but i cannot make any choice now. cos i have no idea where this could lead to at the end. "IT" has only just begun.

they asked me questions which i already know my answers. i know i can never leave them here in singapore and just go. i know i will choose them in the end. but this does not mean that he is not important. as time goes by and i realise perhaps he could really be the someone i could see at the end of this road. but to make it happen. i really have no idea how. the road seems to have so many obstacles. Will we make it through? Will it be all worthwhile? you could even think it is silly to be thinking so far. but hey, they really think far ahead. and maybe i should start thinking far too..

I know they will not want me to leave singapore for sure. and he? will he be able to make it here and willing to be the one to sacrifice and come here. not that i am questioning, but i should be practical here. should i continue investing my time and energy. they are afraid that i will be hurt once again like how i was in the past. i know it is because they love me too much to allow any hurt to come to me that's why they asked. Will i be able to take this hurt. one day when it gets too difficult to hang on. i have no answers except knowing i cannot leave my family behind. i will always be the singapore girl. always a million miles away.

i want to say i want to give it a try. i want to say let's make this work. maybe 2 years after he gets settled in with the working system back home and gained more experience he could come here to singapore. wouldn't that be great? but things often do not happen the way we want them to. Is if selfish of me to want him to make the move instead of i make the move? where do i go from here? where do we go from here? is it time perhaps for me to forget about this and let this be a dream. should have known from the start. i thought it will be easy.

but i never knew i could feel so difficult.
cos perhaps i have indeed fallen too deep.

the only prayer i say these days is to allow God to take control of my life and if He has planned for all these to happen. i will learn to accept things that i cannot change.